They Chose My Womb

I often wondered if it would ever happen for me…

I often wondered if having life growing inside  me would be something I would experience too. 

You know how those thoughts of doom and gloom enter your mind and try to convince you that it is merely something you will witness and never have the pleasure of experiencing first hand.

And as the years rolled by, those thoughts grew and gained strength. 


I had often obsessed over it. Pretended not to be bothered, but secretly obsessing over it. Until it consumed me. 

When I lost my Father and my best friend, the obsession grew. Almost as though I were trying to replace these two lives I lost with another. But continuously, I was disappointed. And so the thoughts grew. The thoughts became stronger and more prominent. 


I didn’t know how to wait on God’s timing anymore, and frankly, I didn’t know if I wanted to. I became selfish and trusted Him less, although I still prayed for some kind of miracle. Which sounds weird but is true. Amid all the hopelessness, something in me still believed. 


November 12th, a day after my Father’s birthday, while my husband lay fast asleep, I quietly snuck into the bathroom and took a test. I didn’t want to wake him up. The truth is, I didn’t want to wake him up and have him be disappointed. So I took the test and didn’t expect much. Within seconds, I was in tears, crying on the toilet seat, thanking God profusely, for not losing His faith in me. 

For granting me with this gift I’ve wanted for the longest time and thought I’d never have. I left the bathroom and barged into our bedroom, waking my poor confused husband up and showing him the test. 

I always thought I would do it in a cute way, like you always see on television, but all sense went out the window and all I could think of was sharing this wonderful news with the love of my life; who in his own way, had saved me. 


After his initial shock of being rudely awakened, he wrapped his arms around me and held on so tight. And in that moment, I understood God’s delay. He wanted me to experience this. He wanted me to experience love in its purest form. 

Safe love. 

Calm love. 

Peaceful love. 

A love that wrapped its arms around me, and without words, reassured me that it would stay and be there. Through it all. 


Weeks later, at my first gynae appointment, my husband was unable to make it. But I took loads of videos so he could still experience everything. And after joking with my Dr about twins (following a conversation I had just two days prior with a friend and colleague, who was convinced it’s twins), I certainly received the shock of my life, when there were two heartbeats on the ultrasound and not one. 

In that moment, I had a surge of emotions that just overwhelmed me. I could barely hear myself talk. I was simply in awe. And so surprised! After my Dr and I got over the shock and he assured me my babies were fine, I left his office and simply sat in my car and wept. After talking to my husband, I called my Mother, who wept with me. It was certainly tears of joy. 


That whole day and the days following it, felt like an out of body experience. I constantly had to pinch myself, to check if I’m not dreaming. After wanting to be a Mom for so long, God saw it fit to grant me not one, but two babies. I was in awe of Him. And I certainly knew it to be true, that He does not take, without giving in return. 


Since then, it’s been a whirlwind of emotions. 

Excitement for what’s to come. 

Fear for their safety and well-being. 

Worry and concern, that I will be equipped with all the necessary skills to provide for them. Look after them. 

Love. An overwhelming and unconditional love that I have never experienced before, especially for people I have not seen or touched yet. 

Adoration, for my body and the changes it’s able to endure to ensure that my babies grow to their full potential.

Respect, for my husband and his ability to deal with me and all my moods. 

Joy, when I see the excitement in the eyes of my Mother and all my loved ones. 

Sadness, when I think of my Dad and Izo and how they aren’t here to experience it with me. Physically. 


To say my life has been saved would be an understatement. 

I slipped into darkness when I lost my Dad. And it became worse when I lost Izo. I never thought I would find my way out of it. I became comfortable in it. 

My husband fell in love with me in spite of my mess. 

My babies chose my womb, in spite of my brokenness. 


In me, where there was once darkness, there is now life. 

Surely, anything is possible then. 

This is only the beginning of this beautiful journey. 


Take care


Mrs. Stone-Sehularo 

Comments

  1. So beautiful!!!! I am soooooo happy for you. Xxx

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  2. A boy and a girl would be super awesome…not to replace your dad and bestie but as a sign that they’re with you. Congratulations Mam πŸ₯³

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  3. Congratulations once again Toya. May your journey be filled with lots of love and good memories.
    Definitely not an easy one, everything changes right before your eyes. Now more than ever embrace your body for it is carrying thee most precious cargo ever. Love u commie... and big ups on this well written piece

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  4. Firstly, welcome back. We missed you. Second, you have always deserved this. All of it. I am elated for you and your husband. Congratulations Toya ❤️

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  5. “May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” — Psalm 20:4

    We are blessed!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️

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  6. This is truly beautiful. God never fails us and when he responds it is in miraculous ways... Psalms 23. Enjoy this journey as it is only the beginning. Stay blessed Toya. Xoxo KS

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  7. Baie mooi storie , ek huil glads 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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  8. So heartwarming πŸ’• I'm so happy for you darling πŸ₯° bask in the joy! Much love to you and your family ❤️

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  9. Super mooi storie. Em wag vir die boek. Please write a book Toya. And ja i am just around the corner if you need help with the twins hahaha. Lus pop speel.

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  10. You deserve all of this and more Toya.... May God take you from glory to glory

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