The Abyss

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 I sunk. 

I sunk into a dark abyss. 

No hope. 

No light. 

Nothing good in sight. 

So I simply shrugged my shoulders, exhaled and allowed myself to be drawn into this darkness. Making no effort to pull myself out. Making no effort to seek light. Making no effort to crawl out . I simply sat. I sat and never wanted to leave. The darkness provided comfort. It was the kind of solace my aching heart sought after. But it was also the kind of solace that could consume you. Leave you wanting...

But still I continued to sink. I continued sinking into this abyss. I somehow enjoyed the dark, vacant atmosphere provided by this chasm. And I did not want to leave. I could not leave. 

At some point, the comfort enveloped me and the warmth became too much. It was no longer a feeling that was welcome. It smothered me. It choked me. I found myself gasping for air. Clenching onto dear life. Yet, although I seemed to be smothering, I could not move. I sat in the darkness. I think a part of me wanted to be consumed by it. 

You see, the truth is this. My life changed on October 28th. My King departed from this earth and my world was left shattered. I did not know how I would possibly move on. I did not know if I wanted to. And so I sunk. I sunk while smiling with the world. I sunk while helping others. I sunk while keeping up the pretence. And the more I pretended, the more I sunk into the darkness. 

It scared after a while. The abyss. It scared me because I became so comfortable in it. 

But now? Well now I am still there. Now I still sit in it. But the difference is this: I yearn for the light. For life. And it might take a while for me to get there, but I want to live. I want to live for my King. I want to live for my Queen whose heart is in a million little pieces. I want to live. And so out of the abyss I wish to crawl. Towards the light. Crawl to my salvation. 

My Father was light. 

My Father was peace. 

My Father was joy.

My Father was soul. 

My Father was love. 

My Father was Life. 

He was not darkness. And because of this, I cannot be consumed by it. 

The abyss will not become my home. Healing will find me. 

It will find me and fill me. 

Until then, I try to crawl my way out. Out of the darkness. 


Take Care 


Miss Stone

Comments

  1. Joe MeezyDecember 27, 2021 at 2:28 PM

    I totally feel you. Who knew you were such a great writer...I try not to fall into the abyss, but rather carry them with me and imagine what they'd be saying. Doesn't always work but it comforts me. It's mostly my mom shouting at me for leaving doors open and not packing shit away. Lol. Thank you for this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. La-ToyaDecember 30, 2021 at 8:52 AM

      I know you get it. I remain proud of you. You are doing better than you think you are. Love and light.

      Delete
  2. Joe MeezyDecember 30, 2021 at 11:04 AM

    I need all the love and light in the world for today and tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
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